The moment when you finally know that it’s not a myth. That this life is not yours to control.

Separation has never been easy. In engineering realm, it’s even one of the most important course in Chemical Engineering. We’re no stranger to heartache and pain, but letting go of something that you’ve so got used to is surely a daunting task.

It’s been two weeks. I haven’t been sad for a while. Every time I went out, there they were. Just like the good old days when we spent our nights with shitty calculations and tiny cheat sheets. I knew I had always known where I could barely go with my puffy eyes or nonsense stories. There were always the ears that would stay listening to whatever I blurted out.

Ever since last year I’ve been hypnotizing myself that this is all just a myth. A nightmare that I refused to be drown in. Look, they are always here. Their presence can never evolve into past tense. I just simply couldn’t put down this fear of grief I knew would soon follow the hollow. But no matter how hard I try to deny, the time eventually comes. The last visits. When they packed things up and said goodbye. When I hugged them for the last time. When I came to their dorms feeling like the walls resonated in the same sadness, echoing every story and memory that were once made in its territory. When I saw teary eyes that were tried to be hidden. When I felt the same feeling of heavy hearts, the hearts that have been attached to the same soil of this beautiful city, where youth was once celebrated. Where everybody was free to be what they wished to be. Where judgments were based on meritocracy. Where dreaming has always been allowed, no matter how wild and uncontrolled.

There’s just a binding sense of belonging that you can never let go. Like a silhouette that possesses.

I’m a silhouette asking every now and then
“Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again?”
I’m a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone

Owl City – Silhouette

Author: mfaradina

An Indonesian. A reliable realist outside yet a romantic dreamer at heart.

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