“You’ve had the privilege to study in ITB. I believe you are all potential seeds. That’s why we don’t do blacklist to people who’ve joined our selection. But if you’ve failed, more than twice, maybe you should think about whether or not this –our company— is the right media for you to grow”
The last sentence was recited several times throughout the whole day of selection. I almost feel like it’s the way Allah directly explains to me. Having been in this selection thrice (if the 4th semester was counted), I’ve more or less figured out that this is not my place.
This is not the right media for me to grow.
My strongest incentive is to make someone I love finally be proud of me, despite all the achievements and awards I’ve presented throughout the last 6 years. The Tiger won’t be satisfied till I’ve proven that I’ve exerted my 110% effort. But Allah knows best, while my mother doesn’t.
Yes, I have stuffs to do. I have dosen pembimbing and mom peeking into my subconscious, telling me how I should just finish things up. I have meetings to attend but I cancelled because of bimbingan. You’re right, I have tons of legitimate reasons not to put this first and be productive instead. But I think about blogging like how you think about letting toxic gets out of your body, some sort of antibiotic to your menace. So…that’s a deal, eh.
Forgive the vibe of insecurities fleeting in the air. People do, sometimes. When they leave for college, when they’re about to start their first journey of adulthood, especially when they’re about to jump from one safe trapeze to another trapeze.
This year might as well be said the year when I visited Jakarta the most. I was born in Jakarta 21 years ago, but grew up in the creative city of Bandung. Been exposed to top educational institutions and perfect weather everyday. I can say that I’ve grown to be a ‘local’ girl instead of metropolis city girl with malls as their toys.
Every time I go to Jakarta I always feel like stepping into a harsh world. A big city where people are always in a rush, craving for money, social disparities are within close proximity. I can hardly even find warung in the places I went to these days: Jalan Sudirman, Sentral Senayan, TB Simatupang. All business districts, all shopping malls, all taxi cabs and busy streets.
The Big Durian and one of its finest business districts
For me, Jakarta resembles so much more than harshness. Going to Jakarta feels like opening myself up to new territories, makes me realize that I can no longer be guarded under the protective shed of home. There are at least 3 things in my mind every time I went to Jakarta in 2013: a) I’m growing up; b) I’ll soon be a corporate slave and leave the ever-exciting college life; c) I’ll miss Bandung like crazy.
And “Are youready?”is just a question in which I currently have nothing to answer.
This past one week I had a 4-days event hosted by one of the best and biggest FMCG companies in the world. I’d describe the experience as “being an MBA in 4 days” because that’s just how it has shaped my brain. I was nothing compared to other students in business world. Like, what would I know about Porter. If you ask me who Turton, Walas, McCabe, or Geankoplis are, I can totally show you. But don’t ask me what VAT means. Interestingly, I found myself immersed quickly in the pool of Industrial Engineers-Marketing-Economics-Finance-people. I liked picturing myself working there. I could really relate to its values, people, principles. I was drilled by sales, marketing, CBD, HR, brand management, etc. but to my surprise, absorbed every information very quickly, in the speed that I didn’t expect before. Plus, enjoyed it at the same time. Rare thing.
This was what I had been exposed to. Turned off the ‘engineering mode’…
Oddly, going back to plant design and the oh-so-engineering world of Chemical Engineering, some parts of me feel like… I still want to be an engineer. Somehow, I still want to know how it feels to play with velocity, viscosity, and volatility in the real world. I strangely still hope that I can learn more about valves and vessels and compressors and all these alien things. At least, I want to have an objective comparison between these two worlds so I can make a rational judgment of where I want my feet to be put on.
To sum up, in my visits to Jakarta I have:
Known how to use modern day elevator (call me two thousand and late) in a visit to South
Been in the capital city at its worst (huge flood January 17, 2013)
Spent my birthday being yelled at by preman
Admitted that unmeritrocracy could actually happen even when I trusted that such practice wouldn’t exist in a reputable entity
Now Jakarta has brought another new thing for me: divergent path. Which is which for which side of the fence? Where would I wanna work? What kind of field/business unit can satisfy me?
It’s hard to know what’s good for me. But soon enough I’ll have to decide.
Till then, I’m never gonna stop chasing everything in front of me. Bad or good will reveal themselves later, but I’ll keep my great ability to predict and calculate even more closely.
I wish the best for every final year student who’s about to graduate. We’ll go in harmonia progressio.
Buka foto-foto lama itu bahaya. Misalnya…gue jadi kangen Bangkok all of a sudden. Terus kepikiran kenapa gak pernah ngeblog tentang perjalanan ke negeri orang ya? So there goes this post.
Gue ke Bangkok almost 2 years ago, August 2011, dalam rangka Japan-Asia Young Scientists and Engineers Study Visit (JAYSES). (Almost) all expenses paid, thanks SKF! Selain berkesempatan pertama kali ke Thailand dan pertama kali puasa gak di Indonesia, JAYSES juga membuat gue ketemu Reinhardt, Nana, dan Gama. Dari mulai ‘blind date’ di McD Simpang, riweuh bolak-balik ke Pak Djoko (dosen Mesin senior, pembimbing kita), sampe video conference yg fail abis dimana gue, Reinhardt, dan Gama lagi joget-joget ga jelas dan taunya si video udah nyambung sama orang Jepang. -____- It didn’t stop there! Sampe di Bangkok pun kita seru-seruan sama berbagai macam orang and got to explore this very exciting city 😀
First Impression
Suvarnabhumi (bacanya “Suwannapoom”) International Airport GEDE dan BAGUS BANGET. Blah CGK ketinggalan jauh!
Sekilas, Bangkok mirip banget sama Jakarta. Highwaynya sama, iklannya setipe. Tapi disini ada BTS sama MRT. Jalannya itu anatominya: ada 1 jalan gede yg punya “gang”-gang kecil, nah di gang itulah kehidupan Bangkoknya.
711 banyak banget yah mirip-mirip Alfamart sama Indomaret di kita lah.
Makanannya…..babi semua .__.
Very colorful taxis. Orange, pink, kuning, merah, ijo nyala..
Welcome to Suvarnabhumi!
Berhubung acara ini semacam field trip, gue ngunjungin provinsi-provinsi di sekitar Bangkok juga. Ke Betagro (semacam Kemchick, supplier daging), Thai-Nichi Institute of Technology, JETRO, JICA, International Trade Court, Department of Intellectual Property, SCG Experience yang zuper futuristik dan inovatif kyaa!, ya dan lain-lain lah. But let’s focus on Bangkok now. Bangkok panasnya ampun-ampunan (35 oC), mana lagi puasa pula. Dibutuhkan keimanan yang tinggi yah bung untuk survive. THAILAND ISINYA BABI SEMUA! Ga ngerti deh knapa org sini demen bgt makan babi. Mana tulisan menunya cacing-cacing semua lagi huruf Thai..
The Modern Side
Bangkok is a lot like Jakarta in terms of mall. Banyak yah mall-nyah. Ada 1 kawasan yg isinya mall-mall gede, diantaranya:
Siam Paragon
Konon katanya mall terbesar se-Asia Tenggara. Barangnya relatif mahal dibanding tempat lain. Ada Underwater World juga di dalem mallnya :O dan di sinilah gue ketemu… MARIO MAURER! Siapapun yang udah nonton Crazy Little Thing Called Love pasti iri kan sama gue #eaa
P’ Shon: for real!
MBK (Mah Boon Krong)
Tipe mall-nya mirip-mirip BIP gitu lah kalo di Bandung. I love MBK! Makanan banyak, enak, murah. Ada restoran halal (beneran bersertifikasi halal), kalo mau beli oleh-oleh makanan Thailand yg kering-kering gitu juga bisa di sini.
Pratunam
TOTALLY A HEAVEN FOR GIRLS. Nyesel banget kenapa cuma beli 2 baju dan yang 1nya luntur kecuci di rumah. Kalo pinter nawar, baju yang normalnya Rp 120 ribu bisa jadi Rp 70 ribu saja! Yang demen baju online shop juga wajib banget ke Pratunam. Untungnya waktu itu ke sana sama temen orang Indo yang bisa bahasa Thailand, jadi nawar sampe setipis-tipisnya wekekek 😛
River City
Sebenernya waktu itu cuma lewat teras mall ini doang terus langsung nyari kapal hehe. A must lah nyoba naek kapal di Chao Phraya River, to see Bangkok’s pretty lights at night. Bayarnya paling cuma 20-30 Baht.
Hi!
The Traditional and Touristy Side
Here comes the exciting part! Gak kayak Jakarta yang (menurut gue) sisi tradisionalnya kurang ke-preserve, Bangkok menawarkan berbagai macam hal menarik yang menunjukkan kalo orang Thailand sangat cinta budayanya 🙂
Chinatown!
Kalo mau naek MRT, berenti di Hua Lamphong Station, jalan dikit langsung keliatan gate-nya. Having gone to New York’s Chinatown, I have to say dimana-mana Chinatown gitu-gitu aja ya. Susah mau menikmati Chinese food karena babi semua juga. I ordered rice with Roasted Duck (only 50 Baht!). Tapi ternyata porsinya keciiiiiiillll banget dan roasted ducknya rasa jahe ga jelas -____- but we did went to Wat Traimit Witthyaram di Chinatown ini, lumayan liat kuil. Try Shark’s Fin soup (roughly 650 Baht) kalo banyak duit 😀
Welcome to Bangkok’s Chinatown!Wat Traimit yang sayangnya lagi tutup
Grand Palace
Yaya of course. Jangan percaya sopir tuk-tuk ato native ga jelas yang bilang Grand Palace tutup soalnya itu cuma tukang tipu, cek aja kapan sebenernya si Grand Palace ini officially buka. Siapkan fisik yang kuat yah kayak mau naek Candi Borobudur! Ke sini pas lagi puasa itu…sesuatu. Sampe literally mau pingsan, kepala pening! Tapi bahagia luar biasa karena berhasil gak batal dan buka puasa di restoran halal di MBK, minum Thai Tea jumbo dan curry yang super enak, hiks :’)
Multicultural experience in Bangkok’s landmark
Ladyboy Show! 😀
Tadinya gue mikir apaan sih liat show banci. Tapi ternyata seru banget ngakak ga berenti-berenti wekekek, walaupun sebenernya banyak yang vulgar gitu sih. Normalnya tiket mahal beut 800 Baht, tapi karena koneksi orang dalam akhirnya dapet 100 Baht saja per orang \m/ FYI banci Thailand cantik-cantik sih kalo yg di show ini, jago dipermaknya.
Nih temen gue orang Jepang lagi diseret ke depan 😀
Jim Thompson’s House
Yang suka kain sutra, rumah tradisional Thailand, museum dan sejarah pasti suka ke sini. I found the house elegantly calming dan historis. Lokasinya gak begitu jauh dari keriuhan MBK and Siam Paragon (well…”gak jauh” standar kota besar yah).
See, this is why I like the house
Chatuchak Weekend Market
Sebagai cewek normal, gue sangat suka shopping, tapi shopping yang bermanfaat bukan sekedar hambur-hambur duit. Being wanita Sumatra juga bikin gue kalo ke luar negeri repot cari oleh-oleh buat keluarga besar. Chatuchak is the biggest traditional market in South East Asia…and I know why. Emang gede sih segala macem bisa ditemui disini. Makanan kaki lima, suvenir (notes, gantungan kunci, tas, pernak-pernik, kain, patung, porselen, you name it ajalah).
Harga super murah tentunya, apalagi dengan skill nawar perempuan Indonesia yang jauh di atas rata-rata orang Asia lainnya (terbukti juga waktu gue ke Hanoi). Sayangnya ini cuma buka pas weekend, but it’s really worth visiting ga cuma buat cewek tapi juga buat siapapun yang mau liat sisi tradisional masyarakat Bangkok.
Food and Some Tips for Fasting
Ah yes, FOOD. Di Bangkok harga makanan murah meriah! Makanannya pun enak tapi generally lebih asam dan rasa bumbunya kuat dibanding makanan Indonesia sehari-hari. Thai Tea dimana-mana enak….enak banget huaaa. Di 711 pun bisa beli Thai Tea ukuran jumbo yang cuma 60 Baht saja. Ukuran standar di pinggir jalan bisa 30 Baht, masuk mall jadi 50 Baht.
As always, Tom Yam Goong is A MUST. Gue nyoba Tom Yam di kantin univ Chulalongkorn, dan itu pun udah….divine. Parah sih pas masuk mulut panas, asem, sedikit pedes tapi serasa ada efek therapeuticnya gitu lho.
Tampilan boleh kayak lontong kari, tapi asem mak!
Berhubung gue ke Bangkok pas bulan puasa, ada beberapa hal yang membuat gue bertahan puasa di tengah cuaca Bangkok yang panasnya subhanallah.
Buat makan saur, paling gampang cari chicken di 711 makanan yang udah di-pak, langsung dipanasin di microwave dan makan. Gak semua 711 buka 24 jam so siap-siap beli malem-malem dan makan dalam keadaan dingin. (15 Baht)
Kalo pencernaan udah mulai rewel, beli Activia aja cuma 10-15 Baht, dapet yogurt gede.
Banyak minum. Gue sampe beli Nestle Pure Life yang 6 liter buat 2 hari supaya gak dehidrasi.
Perhatiin jadwal shalat, imsak, maghrib, karena saur bisa lebih lama tapi buka puasa udah deket jam 7 malem.
Banyak berdoa supaya ga makan babi 😀
That’s all of my Bangkok story. Dulu sebelum berangkat gue rajin baca blog orang biar tau keadaan Bangkok, and I hope this writing will help anyone yang clueless tentang Bangkok, hehe. I’m definitely going to Bangkok again if I have any chance. Or anywhere deh asal pergi ke luar negeri lagi mihihi 😀
Toodles!
Sometimes all it takes is only one single tear. To know that you’re fragile, vulnerable, and can sometimes be stressed out. When life gives you too much pressure that you can’t hold. When you don’t know what to do, when you just want to fall down on your knees.
But what if you can’t even cry anymore? Your body biologically refuses to do a simple thing that has saved you in the past. Your inner self withers and basically ignores what your mind tells you. Your heart wants to explode and you wish to be able not to feel anymore.
When kneeling down and praying only go as far as your lips stop muttering. When there’s practically no one to talk to.
For now I wish that I could cry. That I don’t have to hold these tears back and pretend to be strong. Because I am not strong. I am not independent. I am not a superwoman. I am not what everyone sees me on the outside.
Because I’m only being pushed away by reality, whether I like it or not. At some times, I wish that life is not this cruel in giving her lessons. At some points in my life, at this point, I don’t even know what I want anymore. Only to feel this void, this crack in hollow bones.
I love this article. And yes, I want to explore with you, wherever you are right now.
Come ride on trains with me, and we’ll get out of town. Sit across from me, and let’s look out the window at all the new landscapes rushing by as the sun casts a parting glow on our cheeks. Only a few more hours until we’re there. Where is ‘there’? Maybe it’s a small city where we can amble along the river and take pictures of statues we don’t recognize. Maybe it’s a college town where we can eat toasted sandwiches and watch the undergrads haul their books to class over sidewalks covered in leaves. Or maybe ‘there’ is a coastal town where it’s always too cold to swim so we stand on the sand in our jackets and watch the seagulls dipping and diving. The fog is too thick to watch where the birds go, but we imagine they go to eternity because that’s all we can see from here. We have open eyes, salt in our hair, and I just want to explore with you.
So come sit on planes with me. Watch the fluid greens and blues and whites come into focus and become lakes, fields, and houses. Feel the change in the air as we exit the sliding glass doors and step into a new world. Rome, Barcelona, Kerala, Seoul. A bus will take us into the city, and we’ll watch with our noses pressed against the window as rolling hills change into streets and avenues and promenades. Row upon row of ancient beige buildings opens its arms to us, and we’ll see more people than stars. More lights than stars. More palm trees than stars. The night — foreign and new — is waiting for us. In the early hours of the morning when we’ve finally had our fill of music, wine, and conversation with strangers we’ll come back to the sleeping hostel past curfew and pour ourselves into tiny beds and fresh sheets. We’ll sleep knowing there will be breakfast and coffee in the morning, and I just want to explore with you.
So come climb into the passenger seat with me, and let’s drive down south. We can have the wind in our hair and nothing but the highway in front of us. Let’s pause only when we’re hungry or when we’ve run out of gas. We’ll stop at diners boasting fifty cent coffee in neon letters and at gas stations overrun by weary families and truck drivers who have miles to go. We’ll stop — no, we won’t stop. We won’t stop for anything until we get to the bottom, until we’re standing at the beach with the smell of the ocean in front of us and gumbo cooking behind us. We’re outlaws, pioneers, lovers, companions, triers of new things, witnesses of god or whatever it is we think we see out there. We won’t talk, we won’t touch, we’ll just be there, and we’ll be in love, not with each other, but with the unknown, with the things we can’t see and don’t understand.
Come do this with me because I want to explore with you. I want to see new things with you, to wander alongside you with our eyes as wide as children’s and our hearts just as free. I want to walk next to you down roads we’ve never walked on before and hear words we’ve never heard spoken before. We will touch things, taste things, and it will all be new. You’ll be new, and so will I. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know you, that I’ve never met you before, but I saw you today on the street — just for a moment, just before you turned the corner — and I want to explore with you.
her soliloquy 